P is for Perseverance

I am currently blogging, along with my dad, all the way through the alphabet. Check out how the idea started and get the rules here.

It’s a topic many of us were forced to write compare and contrast essays on when we were in elementary school and were practicing for the MEAP. It always said we could “write about something that you had to persevere through”. At the time I could never think of something I had persevered through, so my essay was always about made up characters. Now if my teacher would assign me an essay on something I had to persevere through, I could write them fifty pages (double spaced, of course).

It’s interesting for me to think of how much I’ve persevered through this year. It’s been quite the year. I survived my freshman year of high school. I survived two drama club plays, countless choir and orchestra concerts, having my heart broken and getting over it, falling into and pulling out of a depression, and two years of band camp and marching band. A month from this Wednesday marks a year since I first got incredibly sick (and I finally got a diagnosis last Monday, hooray!) Through all of those things I had to fight to keep myself above water and not let myself drown in negativity. I had to persevere.

And this is another thing that I’m planning on persevering through, though I’ve already not been able to write something every day. I lost motivation a while ago, and I feel like I have nothing important left to say. I want to give up this entire “A-Z Blogging” thing very badly, however I refuse to. I refuse to because I don’t want to disappoint people. But mostly, I don’t want to disappoint myself. This thing that I’m doing  is hard. It’s not easy, it’s not fun. It’s frustrating, it’s obnoxious, it’s stressful, it’s challenging, it’s something I do that I do not look forward to at all. When I started, I had so much motivation to keep going. I’d get 8-12 comments on every single post, up to 75 people reading every day. Around “E” stats started dropping and I stopped receiving comments. I no longer had that push from other people to keep going, to persevere. I kept going because I didn’t want to let my dad down. Now I’m on P and I very much want to be done with it all and just mark it off as something I tried. “Oh well, neat experience Kyra, but it just didn’t work out.”

But I’m so far into this experience that I can’t get out of it anymore. I probably could have quit around “E” if I really felt the desire to. Now here I am wanting to quit and I can’t, because I know how disappointed in myself I will be. I don’t care anymore that other people would be upset. I’m not doing this for other people. I am doing this for me. It’s one thing I’m finally doing for myself. And I’m going all the way. And when I get to the end and write my final post, I’m not expecting to feel like I just won a marathon, I’m not expecting to feel like I just accomplished something amazing or great. I just hope that when I post my last A-Z post, I’ll hear that small voice in the back of my head whisper “Good job Kyra.”

View my dad’s “P” post.

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About Kyra

I'm just a girl.

Posted on December 20, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Another great post, Kyra. My hope is that when you get to the end of the A-Z challenge, you will be immensely proud of your accomplishment, but even more so — that you will KEEP WRITING!

  2. Just think, before you go back to school after winter break you will have finished your A – Z post. I, for one, will miss your daily posts. I love how quiet and peaceful you are every day, but it’s been a tremendous pleasure to hear what’s going on inside your head. You don’t often share those things, so this blog experience has allowed me a glimpse of the magnificent mind of yours. Just think about the movie Julie and Julia! She got to a point that she hated the experience too. But once she finished she felt empowered by being able to accomplish what she started. SO let’s rent the movie over break to inspire you to keep going. And thanks again for giving your readers a peek into Kyraland. I love you more infinity!

  3. Hey Kyra,
    I am still with you, reading your alphabet blog so don’t stop till Z!

  4. Kyra, this is the kind of experiences that will prepare you to face the challenges that you will come up against during your whole life. Every time you persevere and complete a task gives you assurance that you will be victorious over the one you are facing at that moment.. Memories like those will make you a stronger person so that you can live your life with confidence that no matter what you face, with God’s help, you will be victorious. I am so proud of you and love you very much.

  5. Kyra have I ever told you I’m proud of you. I know I say that often after plays or concerts but not for all that you’re making it through right now and then. I am so proud of you for your perseverance and strength. I love you with all of my heart and you seriously inspire me to be who I am. “And we’re still fighting it”

    Ps remember it’s us against the world. Love you Kyra

  6. as you find it hard to write new posts, it’s also hard to come up with new compliments that aren’t repetitive. if i said, “I loved everyone of them, they were so awesome and fun to read” (which is true) on each one, i would sound like i’m just writing it down and don’t mean it. some coming up with new comments that are different is hard too. but i still read them… even if i don’t comment

  7. Kyra, I am with Eli, I seldom comment, but I read every one of your blogs. And enjoy each one and look forward to the next one. Keep up the good work. You are doing great. And I hope when this is finished you will continue with your writing.

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